Everyone has their personal demon, the thing that either holds them back or drives them so hard they wear themselves out. Mine, I’ve come to realize, is fear. Fear of people, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. I’ve struggled with panic attacks and anxiety so bad they drove me into depression. Worse, fear has paralyzed me in my life. My dreams have crumbled because I’m too afraid to move. My youth is behind me, and I don’t have much to show for it.
It’s all down to fear. I failed as a teacher because I was too timid. I haven’t found love because I’ve been too afraid of rejection. I haven’t followed my dream of becoming an author because I’ve been too afraid of failure.
In my life, I can point to two things I’ve done that are truly brave. The first was going to Japan. It was a huge risk, a leap into the unknown, and I did it. Two of the best years of my life were spent in Japan. The second was a very mundane step I took when I came back from Japan: I started working out. It may not sound brave, but it was, for me. I was convinced I wasn’t strong enough, that it would hurt too much, that people would laugh at me. But I started, and I’ve held on, and I’m so much stronger for it.
Two brave things can become more. I’ve proven to myself that I can take huge risks, and that I can push myself and persevere. As I approach the end of my thirties, I’ve decided I need to start living my life without fear. This blog will be part of that journey. I’m going to expose part of my soul here. It may involve opinions others don’t like. It may involve language others don’t like. But I need to do it. I need to do one brave thing per day.
Come with me. Help me to be brave. Help me to change my life. And maybe I can give you a little courage, too.